Several weeks ago, my roommates and I had a party with our Korean friends. Since some of us didn't know each other before, we had a self-introduction part at the beginning of the party. The introduction began with those Korean friends. They told us their names, majors, their home universities and their age. When the introduction came to our turn, we just simply followed their pattern of introduction except telling them our age. However, after we finished, they asked about our age. We felt somehow strange to tell somebody whom we met for the first time about our age, but holding the opinion that not to embarrassed others, we told them our age.
After the party, all of us Chinese thought it was quite impolite to ask about people’s age, who you don’t know well. So we all felt uncomfortable when they asked about our age.
In our Chinese culture, age is privacy. Therefore, you can’t ask others age, especially female age. But in Korean culture, they have an extremely strict hierarchy according to one’s age. Age decides the salutation and status. When they meet someone for the first time, they will make sure their age. In this way, they won’t offend the elders.
Although Korean culture was deeply affected by Chinese culture in a sense, they could be very different in some detail parts. So being aware of the differences, we can avoid lots of embarrassments and offensive behaviors. Culture can affect what a group of people think of the world and how they treat everything around them. It is always inherited from the previous generations, rooted in their history and changes according to the growing environment. Even though many Korean cultural rules are the same as traditional Chinese rules, Korea and China have different developing environment for many years, which resulted in different cultural behaviors nowadays.
But I don’t know if we should follow Korean rules based on age hierarchy? Since we are younger than our Korean friends, need we call them brother or sister according to their culture? Any opinions?
Hi Zoey, I had made some Korean friends a year ago too. But they did not ask me about my age.
ReplyDeleteTo answer your question, I think they asked your age out of courtesy since it is a common practice during their ice-breaking. However, I do not think they will expect you to call them brothers or sisters.
From their perspective, I guess they had met other Chinese friends and asked about their age. That was why they also asked about your age. Unless someone tell them that asking about age is impolite, I think they will continue to ask. It is either you accept or tell them politely so that they will learn. After all, there is this saying in Chinese, "不知者无罪", which means you should not blame the people who are lacking in knowledge.
Thank you for your post.
Chris
Hi Zoey,
ReplyDeleteI have encountered the same situation with you. I made a Korean friend during a trip and he asked me about my age.However, I did not feel offended. It may because male is not that sensitive to age.
Your Korean friends may hold the opinion that China and Korea have similar culture. They did not noticed the difference. I think it is OK for you to tell them that you feel uncomfortable when you are asked about age.
According to my knowledge about Korean culture, younger people must call the elders brothers or sisters. On the other side, this rule is valid on the condition that you are Korean. You do not need to obey their rule since you are Chinese.
@ Chris & Michael:
ReplyDeleteI didn't feel offensive when they asked about my age.I just a little bit surprise about that.It's ok for me,but maybe not ok for everyone they may meet to ask about their age.
And yes, I don't think I need to follow their rules to call them brothers or sisters:)
@ Zoey, do most Chinese in China still feels that age is private (according to your knowledge)?
ReplyDeleteWhen I was younger, I used to hear this alot from my elders about not asking the age of people and the media sure emphasizes this point (from the dramas).
I think that you did the right thing by telling your age because if you were to reject them or show any signs of discomfort about the question, the atmosphere may also have changed.
@ Klara:
ReplyDeleteYes,everyone in China will agree not asking about people's age unless you are really familiar with them.If you do so,it may not offend someone,but he or she won't feel comfortable about that and they may think you don't have good manners:)
Dear Zoey,
ReplyDeleteI believe what we have learnt thus far requires us to be open-minded whenever we meet someone from another culture. You may not know from the first encounter that asking about someone's age may be perfectly fine with the Koreans. If it somewhat irks you, you could possibly let them know that you are uncomfortable in letting people know about your age in a polite way. We can't possibly know every thing about another unfamiliar culture. What we can do is only to be considerate and keep an open mind.
Hello Zoey,
ReplyDeleteFrom what I understand about the Korean culture, they had asked about your age so that they would be able to address you properly. Apparently, age is a very important factor in the Korean society and the younger person (even a one year difference) would have to show more respect to the older person. So when they ask you about your age, it is probably as a form of respect so they would know how to speak to you more properly. There isn't a need for you to call them 'older brothers (oppa)/older sisters(unnie)' since you all are not familiar with their culture.
From this, we can sort of see that different cultures show respect to people in different ways, just that in this case there happens to be a clash when the issue of age is in the picture. But what you did right was to let them know your age, even though you felt uncomfortable, as some form of compromise must be made when we are interacting with people with different cultural background. Just like how they can compromise if you do not call them 'brother/sister'.
huixin.
@Png Ning: You are quite right! Being open-minded,we won't come to some embarrassing situation when dealing with intercultural communication.
ReplyDelete@Huixin:I think you may know Korean culture better than us :) Even one-year range of age makes difference!So they treat age much more seriously than Chinese.For Chinese people, I think,only when the difference of age reaches up to 10 will make difference.
Thanks, Zoey, for this clear, concise and yet comprehensive post. You relate your experience from the party with quite a bit of detail, thus providing us with a clear view of the drama. I can see the varying norms in this situation involving questions of age. What interests me is how you and your Chinese friends dealt with this issue during the part. Did all of you collectively discuss the age question before you declined to give your ages, or did each of you one by one just ignore that question? And when the Koreans pushed the question on you again, how did you and your friends decide to tell your age? What that also collectively negotiated?
ReplyDeleteI'd love to hear about those dynamics.
You've generated lots of good discussion with this post, which I appreciate. There are a couple minor issues related to expression:
- holding the opinion that not to embarrassed others >>> but we withheld that opinion so as not to embarrass them
- But I don’t know if we should follow Korean rules based on age hierarchy? >>> Is this a question?
Hi Brad!
ReplyDeleteAt first,we just ignored the age question without discussion,as we didn't think it's compulsory to tell them our age. When they asked about our age,we just felt somehow surprised but we didn't express our uncomfortable feelings. Just right after the party, I told my friends that I felt strange that those Korean friends asked about our age and they all agreed that they had the same feelings.
Usually Chinese people won't tell others what their real feeling is when they feel unhappy or uncomfortable.We prefer to compromise and avoid conflicts for most of the time. Therefore, we chose to tell them our age without showing our surprise and uncomfortable feelings.
Thank you for your comments and pointing out the grammar mistakes! :)