One night, A was chatting with her close friend B freely. B talked about a boring award ceremony she had to attend tomorrow.
“It’s a waste of time!” B complained,” Maybe I can ask someone to attend that ceremony instead of me.”
“Cheer up! To accept the award on behalf of our department is wonderful!” A tried to cheer up her friend, but A felt lucky that she don’t have to attend that.
After a short pause, B asked A suddenly:” Are we good friend?”
“Indeed!” A answered without hesitation, and wondering why B asked such a silly question.
“What if I asked you to do something you don’t want to do?” B looked at A, and asked seriously.
A felt somehow surprise, she said:” Why asked me such a question?”
“Just answer me. Will you do that for me?” B seemed don’t want to explain.
Holding the opinion that not to promise anyone easily unless you can do that for sure, A asked:” What is the thing that ‘I don’t want to do’?”
“It doesn’t matter!” B said.
A paused for a while, and answered:” Well, no.”
B turned around to look at somewhere else. After a long pause, B looked a bit sad and said:” I think we are not close enough to be good friend. As for me, I will do anything if my friends want me to do even though it’s something I’m not willing to do.”
Actually, that’s something happened to me a few month ago. I felt she used the” good friend” to force me to promise her something (maybe attending the ceremony for her) that day, so I just refused her. But I didn’t expect she felt hurt. Should I change the way to answer that question, maybe give an obscure answer?
Dear Zoey,
ReplyDeleteOne should not be cornered into making promises she cannot keep. You can look at it this way: Which is worse a)saying no or b)breaking a promise. A showed that she knew the value and importance of a promise, by not agreeing easily unless A was absolutely sure she could keep the promise.
From an EQ perspective, we can see that A displayed self regulation,by not making an impulsive or careless decision. She also displayed a good amount of self awareness and the ability to prioritize, as A made a decision that she could live with, by choosing not to risk saying yes to a promise she may not be able to keep.
I can see the attempt to change your writing to a more dialogue oriented style,it worked out quite well. As usual, your posts are always so insightful in it's simplicity. Great job at being concise,you really put effort into trying to keep your post below 300 words, yet managed to get your story across.
Hi Zoey,
ReplyDeleteIt looks like both of you have different ideas or convictions about how good friends should be for each other, but I don’t think it means that you can’t be one to her, and vice versa.
Like what Eric has mentioned, you are very aware of your own values (i.e. keeping promises made) and you do stand by them. I am not sure whether your friend intentionally tried to “corner” you with the “good friend” technique as you mentioned, but it doesn’t discount the fact that you felt it was that way. You definitely didn’t refuse your friend’s request in a rash manner without giving it much thought, but it also doesn’t discount the fact that he/she felt hurt.
However, I am thinking you could have explained to her that you wouldn’t want to promise something that you cannot achieve, especially if it is against your values, or if it is morally/lawfully wrong. He/she may then be able to understand where you were coming from, and not be quick to assume (based on her view of who a friend is) that you weren’t being a good friend.
I really hope the friendship between you and your friend is still going on strong! Thanks for sharing :)
Hi Zoey,
ReplyDeleteI think your answer is absolutely correct. Your friend not very ethical by forcing you to do something indirectly.
I learned this theory from another module which I think is applicable here.
" One has a duty to respect the rights of the others, just as a person would expect others to respect his rights as their duty "
It is B's duty to respect you and your rights. :)
@Eric:Thanks.Very good comment using what we learnt from the class!I've tried hard to make it within 300 words:)
ReplyDelete@Noelle:Thanks for your advice. Actually,I've explained to her why I just said "No" later, but maybe because we have different views of what a good friend should do,she didn't really accept my explanation.However,we're still good friends now:)
@Christopher:Thanks for your support:)
Thank you, Zoey, for this post. It's concise, fairly clear and mostly correct grammatically (a few problems). The scenario also shows how immature some people can be, with this sort of leveraging on friendship, which seems especially childish.
ReplyDeleteInstead of explaining that you refused your friend's request, for dramatic purposes (and per the assignment), it would have been better to not tell what happened until later. Right?
Here are a few language use issues:
-- a boring award ceremony she had to attend tomorrow. >>> a boring award ceremony she had to attend the next day. ("tomorrow" is not appropriate here)
-- A felt lucky that she don’t have to attend >>> verb tense?
-- Why asked me >>> Why ask me? OR Why do you ask me?
-- A felt somehow surprise >>> A felt somehow surprised
-- B seemed don’t want to explain >>> B seemed NOT TO want to explain
Once again, thanks for your effort.
@ Brad: Thank you for your pointing out my grammar mistakes! It helps me a lot! Thank you very much:)
ReplyDeleteHello Zoey, I thought you used a very interesting method to bring out the essence of your conflict. B was being selfish by making use of her friendship with A to coerce her into doing something she didn't want. Nevertheless, it is always difficult to turn down a friend, especially a good one. I can understand how you must have felt at that point of time. I'm not sure if B is really sincere in treating you as a friend. You might want to be more cautious of such people next time by saying "No" firmly :)
ReplyDelete